Monday, December 17, 2012

Murphy's Law of Motherhood #5: Ur-in(e) Trouble!

"Mommy, I peed!"  Yes, this phrase is a daily occurrence for parents of potty training children.  With any luck, it is candy to the ears (meaning the child is in a restroom hovering over water), but it can mean utter disaster.  Two instances of this sort come to my mind from personal experience.

The first was in Alaska.  For some reason, I thought it would be an excellent idea to take E-girl (then 2 1/2) and J-boy (7 months) to McDonald's by myself.  I believe it was the only restaurant with an indoor playland within 15 minutes of our home.  Call it cabin fever if you will, but I was about to go stark-raving mad being at home at the end of a long winter with two children under the age of three.  (For those of you who do not know us, my husband was rarely around due to his schooling, and E-girl was known to
regularly assault the poor infant with a pink plastic teapot.)  After settling in at a table, E-girl headed off to play as I tended to the baby.  About ten minutes later, I heard, "Mommy, I peed!" come from the very top of the over-sized playhouse.  I was so thankful that I still carried an extra change of clothes, but God bless the poor woman who had to climb up in that tunnel of nastiness to clean it!  I imagine there was probably a trail from the apex down, and I'm certain our daughter was probably the first child in history to do such a thing.

Thankfully, E-girl was a pretty quick learner, so we dealt with few accidents.  The boy, on the other hand...makes me want to slap the Potty Train Your Child in a Nanosecond authors in the chops with a wet pair of pants.  All the signs of readiness were there, but every child is different.  His training has not only cost us double the laundry loads and a small fortune in nitrile gloves, pullups, and carpet cleaner; it has nearly cost me my sanity.  Since summer has entered the scene, I've been allowing him to choose to use the toilet or a tree.  Yes, I know it may seem rather barbaric, but what man does not enjoy watering the lilies?  The child rather liked having the novelty of choice, so it did work in our favor (i.e. he voluntarily went more often, and I had less bathroom messes to clean up).  Off and on throughout the last year, we have gone to using "big boy underwear." In retrospect, maybe we should've just pulled the plug on the diapers/pullups altogether to avoid confusion, but after cleaning up mess after nasty mess, I succumbed to self-preservation mode. One can stick their hands in the toilet only so many times before losing one's mind! 

During one underwear season, I heard "Mommy, I peed!" from the den.  My only thought was, "Aw, geez!  Not again!"  I walked in to find him standing in a puddle on the built-in bookshelf seat.  A quaint, sparkling stream was flowing off of his foot, into the puddle, and onto the new carpet.  Joy!  As I was soaking in the scene, E-girl pipes up, "Mom!  He peed on my library book!"  I snatched the sopping book out of the stream and sprinted toward the kitchen, hoping to save it (because only the Lord knows how much they're going to charge to replace that thing.  What's a little pee after all we'd been through the last year, right?)  As I ran past the trashcan, my brain finally decided to function, and I realized that one drop was enough to consider it a loss.  Thanks to J-boy, our library will now have one Henry and Mudge book without dogears and boogered pages.


Saturday, June 30, 2012

Murphy's Law of Motherhood #10: When in the Presence of a Garden Hose, Something's Going to Get Wet

As we were unpacking the van after hitting a few irresistible yard sales today, I heard a shrill scream from E-girl (5 1/2) as she rounded the corner of the house.  My friend, who had accompanied us started yelling, "Put it down!  Put it down!"  I should have known J-boy (3 1/2) had taken the liberty of turning on the water hose.  After a verbal reprimand, I tried redirecting him toward the lilacs in front of our house (since he was so repentant toward his sister).  He proceeded to listen as I instructed him to fill the ring of rocks that surrounded each of the lilacs bordering our front porch.  He seemed to understand that he was to water the plants and not his siblings at that point, so the rest of us packed our new-found fodder into the house as he happily watered away.  A few minutes later, a higher, more alarmed scream emerged from the living room.  "Stop...stop!  STOP!"  I darted down the hallway to see what was happening, only to find water streaming down our front window, a puddle on our window seat, drenched carpet, a soaked answering machine and several now-mushy books.  At that point I had to ask myself what I was thinking allowing J-boy to continue use of the water hose, especially with the front window cracked.

Thankfully, I think the books and answering machine survived; however, I'll not be giving the boy permission to use a garden hose (without my hand on the valve, anyway) for a long time.  I suppose I should have known better than to trust him to just water the plants, especially considering that he turned on me with a water hose in the produce section of the grocery store this past winter.  That was a very chilly trip!  (I just wish I had thought to turn it on him after he had gotten me with it.  ha ha)

(Photo actually taken in 2012.  Due to being blond and sleep deprivation, I accidentally set the camera to the wrong year.  Oops!)

Friday, June 1, 2012

In the beginning....

I seriously do not know what compelled me to start this blog other than the crazy occurrences of everyday life with children that make us laugh and want to pull our hair out at the same time.  If you are a parent, I KNOW you can relate!  This is the stuff of life that makes the ride interesting.  Murphy's Law is what happens when the natural curiosity, unbridled energy, and unfiltered truthfulness of children mix with our will to have the days planned out to perfection.  Let's face it, while traveling through life with children, Murphy is going to strike, so you may as well find the blessing in the moment.